“We tend to believe the stories we tell are facts.” Crucial Conversations

Watching the Kate Middleton cancer story unfold, I was sad to hear all she, Prince William and the Royal Family has faced in this season. But, I was more sad to contrast this health crisis with the speculative and salacious stories surrounding Princess Kate’s absence. There were so many narratives assigned to what was happening from the altered photo of her and the kids to straight up lies about marriage problems or plastic surgery.

I am not a royal watcher per se as much as I see social media stories that trend. As Princess Kate started to enter my feed on various platforms and news stories, it caused me to consider what Kate must have been feeling while fighting cancer and watching so many narratives placed upon her. What is a narrative? Meriam Webster defines it as:

A way of presenting or understanding a situation or series of events that reflects and promotes a particular point of view or set of values. A representation of an event or story.

Have you ever had a narrative assigned to you? Was it accurate? Were you able to bring clarity to details of the narrative that were inaccurate? Was it flat out false and those assigning the narrative to you were unable or unwilling to hear your truth around it?

If the narrative was false, you can find yourself feeling labelled, misunderstood or shut out. A quick google search of consequences of a false narrative being laid upon another shows various impacts including: your reputation, relationships, loss of opportunities, loss of privacy and more.

As we approach Easter, I see the false mocking narratives assigned to Jesus as he walked the pathway to the cross. In Matthew 27, we see:

Then the governor’s soldiers took Jesus into the Praetorium and gathered the whole company around Him. They stripped Him and put a scarlet robe on Him.  And they twisted together a crown of thorns and set it on His head. They put a staff in His right hand and knelt down before Him to mock Him, saying, “Hail, King of the Jews!”  Then they spit on Him and took the staff and struck Him on the head repeatedly. After they had mocked Him, they removed the robe and put His own clothes back on Him. Then they led Him away to crucify Him.

Even while dying on the cross, one of the thieves next to him supported this mocking narrative saying “Aren’t you the Messiah? Save yourself and us!” Luke 23:39. Jesus knew the truth of his calling. Jesus is our example to walk forward in the midst of false narratives without giving them power.

So what do you do when faced with your own false narrative?

  1. CONSIDER WHAT YOU DON’T SEE BY INCLUDING OUTSIDE ADVISORS OR COUNSELORS: When I faced a false narrative, I had to be honest with myself that I only could see through my own lenses. I worked hard with trusted advisors who spoke truth to me to help me see the situation through the other person’s lens and see my own blindspots. If our advisors are not neutral, we may be looking for confirmation about what we already believe which is cognitive bias. We need neutral people who are wilingl to speak truth in love.
  2. OWN WHAT IS YOUR PART: When there is a gap of communication or understanding, it is wise to start building bricks of restoration to fill that gap with reconciliation. What are a few things you are seeing incorrectly that are bricks that create steps toward the other person?
  3. PROCESS WITH GOD: Forgive, receive forgiveness and pray to God throughout this process. Allow him to reveal any motives of your heart that are sinful. Also, let him affirm your perspective, when appropriate. The combination of outside advisors and time with God will shift anything you are missing or needing to own in this exchange.
  4. KNOW WHEN TO WALK AWAY: As hard as it might be, there are times that this narrative is actually a gift moving you into the future. Human nature is fight, flight or freeze in times like this. This is why it is important to pull in counselors, advisors and put in your personal hard work before you jump right into fighting, flighting or freezing. Even if the other person cannot release their false narrative of you, you will have processed your internal work to affirm your need to set a strong boundary or even walk away.

How can you allow any narratives placed upon you to bring you close to Jesus and his experiences walking to the cross this Easter?

Share this:

2 Comments

  1. I am harboring bitterness over my husband’s sex and porn addiction. Some weeks are good other weeks are terrible. I can’t seem to let go of what’s been done and the relapses. I need to ask God to reveal what is really in my heart and help me forgive. I needed this.

    1. This is so wise to know your heart is hurting and tempted to harden based on this season of your life. I am pausing right now, Marcia, to pray for strength and discernment for you and shackle breaking healing for your husband. Be patient with yourself. Allow yourself to process with a counselor or pastor if possible as well. Take care and thank you for sharing .

Comments are closed.