Psalm 95:7-8 today, if only you would hear his voice, do not harden your hearts….

Have you ever faced the loss of a deep relationship broken to pieces? Was it a family relationship? A spouse or ministry partner? A friendship? We all have on some level. When I found myself healing from a broken relationship, I regularly allowed God to examine my heart and prompt forgiveness. The Lord had spoken to my soul that in order to heal, I would be tempted to harden my heart toward this person and situation. It would be quicker to jump straight to hardening my heart, but that would lead to becoming cynical, bitter and angry. If I approached my future with a hardened heart, this would be baggage I would carry into future relationships and could ultimately affect my physical, mental and spiritual health. No, the Lord would require me to process this over and over with him at a slower pace which felt more like my skin thickening rather than my heart hardening.

You see, as a wound heals, the skin around the wound thickens leading to a protective scar. After my C-section, I remember being terrified of sneezing or even laughing as my area had not begun to heal yet. It remained tender and fragile until, overtime, it healed well with a protective scar of thick skin.

The Lord showed me that the same was true as he was healing me of this brokenness and betrayal. He would use our times of processing, confessing, forgiving and releasing to be a thickening of my skin that would allow me to keep my heart soft and heal. I wish this was a straight line forward. Some days I would feel like I was back to the temptation to harden my heart toward the situation and had even begun to view other situations with a cynical eye. Maybe I’m a slow learner, but it was back to God with my hardening heart I would walk and beg him to allow my skin to thicken without my heart hardening. Some days this meant practicing forgiveness. Some days it meant confessing it to a trusted companion. Some days it meant journaling, listening to worship music and seeing the situation from the other person’s vantage point.

What is it for you in your own brokenness? Like me, you can choose the quick and hardened heart, or you can allow God to thicken your skin over time as you pour yourself out in his presence.

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  1. It is a day to day struggle. Every day different and every day a challenge. Some days better than others. Some days great and others terrible. Still aren’t able to make all of them great. Praying, keeping my mind occupied, Bible study, and deliberate and determined self talk help. FYI I have been doing this for 10 years since discovering my husband’s sex addiction. Every relapse sets me back again.

    1. Thank you for sharing, Marcia. It truly is one day at a time. Relapses are so hard. I am praying for you to have the Holy Spirit empower you day by day. You have the mind of Christ. God will show you each step.

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